A parcel just arrived.
UUSI Lux tarot: LUX book of sonnets.
Ordered 24th May 2026: 1 book + 1 tarot deck.
$141.37 USD / $206.24 AUD
For the moment, that’s a lot of money. I didn’t spend it. I charged it to someone else’s account. Someone who looks after me when I can’t afford the things I need for myself. And that’s not always obvious — the need.
I’m not like anyone I know. Not like anyone I’ve ever met, actually. My understanding of the Universe, and how I’m driven — what comes upon me (as important), and flows up within (to be done, to be followed, to be understood) — is completely unique; alien, even. At least, that’s what I’ve been told.
When the desire to buy something arises, it arises out of intuitive knowing-without-knowing rather than from some visceral wanting. And I don’t know why I am being asked to buy a thing. Only that it’s important.
Therefore, I cannot justify myself. Not in the way human-people on Earth like to justify themselves — with a sense of productive purpose, where one can show how their spending is part of some endeavour to produce: to produce good or goods*.
/*Although anyone who has worked with me believes there is ‘productive purpose’ in what I do, and tends to attach a strong sense worth to it… I’m just not able to see the world that way.
But when someone pays for it — for my intuitively-led buying, or pays to work with me — presumably they need to know where their money is going. That it’s being spent for good, on a worthy cause, one that has meaning or direction toward a valuable end. Even if that’s not how I make decisions.
Even when I trust everything on intuition — and not b/c of what someone says or b/c of how it looks — I know almost nobody else operates that way. Most human-people need to read the promise of what is offered, need to see what others have to say, need assurances of some kind that this is legitimate.
I don’t.
I go by feel alone.
I do what I’m told when I’m asked by the Universe to do so.
Every. Single. Time.
That’s how it works. That’s the only way I know how to operate in the world. The only way I have to be who I am. And it’s a bit alienating sometimes. A bit odd being around so many human-people who see the world differently. Especially being around those who like to tell me how the world is without ever considering it might not be that way for me.
Which is fine. It’s who they are, all perfectly on purpose, and I don’t have any desire to show them a different way of being (like me) but I do borrow money from them — and that can be… interesting.
Spending someone’s money, who lives in one world while I live in another, can bring me pffft (sigh). I don’t know how to begin explaining what that brings.